How To Talk About Money With Your Spouse The Correct Way
In a marriage, knowing how to talk about money with your spouse isn’t always easy. If done incorrectly, talking about money can lead to multiple money fights. Once you learn how to properly approach your partner when it comes to money, life will become significantly less stressful.
By far one of the hardest things to do in a marriage is knowing how to talk about money with your spouse.
There are many reasons for this but in general, money always seems to be a taboo subject to discuss.
Since people don’t usually talk about money, it can oftentimes become a problem. So much that it leads to financial stress.
As someone who has been in this situation before, it is not worth having to deal with financial stress. Especially if you can easily prevent it. Trust me.
You are going to learn about helpful techniques to use when having the money talk so it doesn’t end with a fight.
This post is all about how to talk about money with your spouse using the proper techniques to make this discussion easier.
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How To Talk About Money With Your Spouse Without Fighting
Why Does My Spouse Not Want To Talk About Money?
Plenty of reasons exist as to why your spouse is not wanting to talk about money with you.
Here are just a couple of those reasons:
- They are unaware that discussing money is actually a healthy money habit that is very important.
- They don’t have reasons to save money so they spend all of it and feel guilty if you were to find out.
- They feel that you may be trying to control their finances.
- They may be in a lot of debt and feel guilty if you were to find out.
- They don’t know when the perfect time to talk about money is.
Rather than bringing up a conversation about money, they stay quiet. It isn’t until money causes a bad shift in the marriage that they finally decide to bring it up.
This is what eventually leads to financial stress.
Can Financial Stress Ruin A Relationship?
The short answer is yes. When you don’t discuss finances in a relationship, it can cause negative effects.
Dealing with financial stress can cause:
- Depression
- Animosity towards your partner
- Difficulty sleeping
- Failing to pay bills on time
- Resorting to alcohol to cope
- Lashing out on friends and family
- Divorce
Being in a marriage and dealing with these financial stressors can make you want to call it quits.
Can A Marriage Survive Financial Problems?
Many married couples oftentimes think, “financial stress is killing my marriage.”
Though it may not seem like it, it is more common than you think.
Dealing with a financially irresponsible spouse carries its own difficulties. However, by communicating and working together, your situation can greatly change for the better.
It can even bring you closer to your spouse and make your marriage stronger. Thus, proving that a marriage can indeed survive financial problems.
How Do I Talk To My Spouse About Money?
There is usually some sort of money imbalance in relationships. Luckily, there are many ways to go about handling this.
Listed down below are ways to talk to your spouse about money.
As you read down the list and come up with a plan, keep in mind that you will need communication and patience for things to work out.
1. Find The Right Place And Time
You might have heard the phrase, “There is a time and place for everything, but not now!”
Keep this in mind when deciding to have the money talk with your spouse.
Avoid quickly jumping into having one long conversation trying to cover absolutely everything.
Start off by letting them know you want to have a discussion about money and asking them when they would like to do so.
Ideally, you both want to settle on a day where there aren’t any distractions.
You also want to allow enough time so that you can both gather all of your thoughts.
Since talking about money can be stressful, try to break up the conversation into multiple ones. This is to avoid any information overload as well as any frustration.
In between, reflect on what was said and figure out what you want to say during your next conversation.
It can take multiple talks before you both end up on the same page.
Keep this in mind to avoid getting discouraged when things don’t go as planned the first time around.
2. Share Past Experiences With Money
The amount of information you can learn from past experiences can be of huge help.
Not everyone grows up the same when it comes to money. Sharing past experiences can help you both have a better understanding of each other.
On one hand, you might’ve had one parent buy you whatever you wanted growing up.
Meanwhile, your other parent might’ve been more cautious with spending money so that they could save money each month.
Because of this, you fall somewhere in the middle. You buy yourself what you want in moderation while at the same time save money at the end of each month.
On the other hand, your partner might’ve grown up with both parents constantly spending their money without saving any of it. When an emergency would arise, they would be unprepared.
This would then cause financial stress leading to multiple fights about money. Because of this, your spouse followed in their exact footsteps.
When sharing experiences, do not blame one another with how you each grew up.
Instead, see where you can help each other to break certain habits and adopt ones that benefit both of you.
3. Discuss Money Goals
Being in a relationship does not mean that every goal you have will be the same as your partner.
You may share some common couple money goals such as:
- Save enough money for a down payment on a house
- Finish paying off your vehicles
- Have plenty of money saved up for retirement
- Be able to afford a dream vacation
However, both you and your partner will also have individual money goals.
For example, you may be trying to save enough money to invest into products to start a successful side hustle.
Meanwhile, your partner may be looking for little ways to save money to buy a motorcycle they have been eyeballing for quite some time.
Make sure to reveal these individual money goals to each other.
In doing so, you can find ways to support each other so that you accomplish all goals.
Though you may not fully understand each other’s interests, being supportive goes a long way.
4. Be Honest About Debt
Though it’s difficult to have this specific conversation, it needs to happen.
Being completely honest about how much debt one has scares a lot of people. Mainly because they fear their partner may see it as a sign of failure.
When this is the case, they tend to keep it a complete secret.
The reality is, the debt is already there and must eventually get paid off.
When not paid off, interest starts to accrue causing you to dig yourself in a deeper hole. This financial stress then causes a negative impact on both your mental health and relationship.
By being honest, you are able to work together as a team to get out of debt.
Depending on how much debt your partner has, it can take some time until they completely pay it off. Remember to have patience when tackling this issue head on.
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5. Create A Budget Together
Bringing up the idea of creating a budget together with your spouse can benefit both of you.
Sharing a budget will help you both see exactly how much money is being spent and on what.
My life personally changed for the better once I created a budget to keep track of my expenses. So trust me when I say that having a budget in place and sticking to it really works.
If you’ve never created a budget, don’t worry as it isn’t difficult to do so.
I have a couple of blog posts that are beginner friendly so you and your spouse can easily create one.
If you’re interested, make sure to check them out:
- Simple Budget Guide Every Beginner Should Know About
- Common Budgeting Mistakes To Avoid And Solutions To Fix Them
- Incredibly Easy How To Make A Budget Step-By-Step Guide
I also have printables available that make creating a budget that actually works really easy.
These are to help give you somewhere to start.
As time goes on, you and your partner will come up with ways to improve your budget. As well as finally understand the importance of budgeting.
6. Designate An Expense Tracker
Part of having a budget is to make sure one person is keeping track of shared expenses.
Along with keeping track, this person will organize all shared expenses in one place so you can see where every dollar is going to.
Having one person in charge will prevent any type of confusion or disorganization that can cause more harm than good.
One way to go about this is by having a sheet, like the one below, to write down every expense for the month.
When the month ends, sit down with your spouse and go through this list.
From here, you can see if either of you owe money to each other to help cover expenses that you both share.
You’re also able to see if there are certain expenses you can try reducing the following month. Doing so will allow you both to save a lot of money.
Related:
- 17 Must Know Tips To Save Money On Groceries
- 21 Brilliant Ways To Save Money On Your Electric Bill
- 25 Highly Effective Water Saving Tips To Reduce Your Water Bill
7. Identify Non-negotiables
No matter the situation, people will always have non-negotiable expenses.
For example, on one hand you might enjoy buying coffee every morning to help start your day.
On the other hand, your spouse may enjoying buying car parts as customizing their car is a form of therapy to them.
Make sure to discuss these non-negotiables, that way you don’t give your partner a hard time when you see them spending their money.
At the end of the day, we all work hard for our money and should be able to spend it.
You’re not always going to understand the things that your spouse enjoys. However, you can be supportive by letting them treat themselves.
8. Have Regular Finance Discussions
Having just one conversation about finances does not mean moving forward things are going to be a walk in the park.
You need to make sure both of you are making time to have regular finance discussions. Whether it’s twice a week or a couple of times throughout the month, make sure these conversations are happening.
This will be the only way to see how your spouse is doing and see if they need to make any improvements.
Make sure to come up with a day and time that works for both of you when planning these discussions.
Again, you want to aim for those days where you both don’t have any distractions getting in the way.
After deciding a time and day, write it down so you both don’t forget.
9. Patience Is Key
Seeing positive results instantly is something most of us hope for. However, it definitely takes some time before you start noticing any changes.
When a man tells you about his finances, it can be a lot to take in.
This is why it is important to be patient with your spouse and actually express this to them.
Your spouse can often times feel the pressure thinking you expect them to change overnight. This then leads to unnecessary financial stress.
Make sure to come up with a timeline together of when you hope to see changes.
When making this timeline, be realistic with your expectations. It is sometimes best to split them up on a year to year basis.
For example, if your spouse has a lot of debt, have them pay off half in one year.
During the second year, have them finish paying off the rest of it.
Finally during the third year, help them work on picking up habits that help save money and stay out of debt.
Whatever the timeline, remind yourself and your spouse periodically that patience is key.
10. Focus On The Positive
Along with being patient, another habit to practice is to focus on the positive.
Your spouse is going to make mistakes, but you can’t spend too much time dwelling on them.
Instead, you can first figure out what the mistake is. Once you figure it out, talk to your spouse about solutions to fix it. Then, apply those solutions and move on.
That being said, remember to then emphasize all the positive improvements your spouse has made.
Even if it is a small improvement, it is still something to be proud of.
Think of it as celebrating each small win. The more you do this, the more you both will have something to look back on.
When times get tough, look back at these celebrations to remember why you’re doing all of this.
It will also make your spouse happy and motivate them to keep making improvements.
11. Involve A Financial Planner
Whether dealing with money issues in a marriage or money issues in dating relationships, sometimes outside help is needed.
This form of help comes through the aid of a financial planner.
If you’ve never heard about financial planners before then you may be wondering, what does a financial planner do? They are essentially professionals that help manage finances, come up with financial goals, and create a roadmap to achieve your goals.
As you can see, financial planners can make a huge difference in how you and your partner go about finances.
This is actually one of the best ways on how to talk to your spouse about money without fighting.
Though it can be difficult asking for help, seeking outside help should never be viewed as a negative thing.
This post was all about how to talk about money with your spouse to help make positive financial changes.
When deciding to talk to your spouse about money, have a plan before doing so.
Using the tips above will make coming up with a plan that actually works a lot easier. Once you create a plan, everything else should flow smoothly.
You’re definitely going to come across many bumps down the road.
However, communicating with your spouse can help overcome those obstacles.
When communicating, don’t just listen to reply, listen to understand.
If you found even the tiniest bit of information from this post helpful, just know that it was made simply for you.